Jul 15, 2010

A Day in the Life of Me

I always knew when I'm gonna get sick, the first thing to go was my throat. Then came the blocked nose, the constant sneezing and the headaches. The last thing to return to normal was also my throat, although the flu and fever was gone, my throat will still be sore and I keep on coughing. Maybe its got to do my drinking habits -ice-cold drinks I mean; not alcoholic.
So there I was, not feeling 100% and had to attend a meeting and this co-worker keeps pointing at me, that it was my task and all so almost everyone eyes were on me, maybe waiting for a response, any reply at all on my part. Without a word; witholding a itchy cough from erupting, just walk out of the meeting room, went back to my desk and print-out the tasks list. With a smile - I think - still pasted on my face, ahem... here's the tasks and the person who's assigned to the tasks. That silence that person up though not before that person commented she also had printed out the list but she lost it. Uh?? what are you trying to say? the list given to you is different from mine? or i amended the list I had printed ? but i dont like to argue pointless things that result in pointless things also; so whatever...lets move on. What I felt bad was when I went back to my room to print the darned list, another colleague was also there and I snapped at him. I hope he knew that I was being a shrew to him not because of him personally. After 5 years of working together he should've gotten used to my sarcastic-self emerging when I was in a bad mood ^_^ but I guess I should still apologize to him on Saturday...
In the evening, went to my cousin's place for tahlil fo my late aunt and uncle 'death anniversary'. Its been 3 years and I thought how life would've change with her gone from my life, but surprisedly life goes on. I still remember her now and then, here and there. A simple thing like what a mess my room was in and before I had to clean and tidy up my room once a week before she came to stay - but now I just let it be... it's only me who enters there anyway. Well, upon occasion my brother use it to to change clothes when his room was otherwise occupied - and my bras hanging on the door! Anyway, tahlil events sometimes makes me feels jaded? bitter? disillusioned? I dont know how to describe it... Maybe we do remember her -or whoever it was for - during the event but we just dont feel comfortable discussing it, so we talks about current matters, daily mundane and other things that does not correlate to the purpose of the event. Life is something to be cherished and grateful for, hence the birthday celebration while death although inevitable prefers not to be discussed but only remembered. Plus maybe when we are with loved ones we should enjoy the moment, fill it with love and laughter rather than sadness and regret memorablia right? If year after year, we might have said the same thing all over again, repetitively, boringly to each other on how much we missed our departed ones - whereas now we sincerely remembered them lovingly in our hearts and not trying to 'bested' one another. Now, I put that in writing, I can see a different perspective and feel much better now. no more feeling jaded etc etc as mentioned above ^_^
Talking about "jaded"; hmm... staying at my sis's house, sending her daughters to school remind me of my schoolhood days; youthful enthusiasm, colourful ambition, promising future. But now I think I've become jaded, the future only have limited possibilities and some of the possibilities...errr I don't think I wanna take that path. I'm a patriotic kinda person, I love the country I was born in and can't imagine living in any other place but I also realise its limitation. Future here is very limited, ask a schoolkid what he/she wants to be when they grow up, most likely the answers be Teacher, Doctor, Nurse, Pilot and maybe some imaginative kid might dreams to be an astronaut one day. And as they grow up most of them will have less definitive, vague ambition because the only career they are told to aim for any just as long as its in the public sector. I used to defy convention before, I would like to be in private sector, be working in the hotel industry. Being a hotelier just fascinate me but alas in this country, I don't want to own a hotel - just give me a headache or work in one - not enough pay and job satisfaction. So I'm glad I quit the degree course that I've chosen during the time I still used rose-tinted glasses. I do envy though several of my colloegues who used to work in a hotel in another country. Maybe someday when money poured down my lap like rain from the sky, I would like to open a boutique hotel or maybe B&B where the guest will be served like a royalty but still be comfortable as living in their own home... the only time you will stop dreaming is when you meet your maker, so jsut dream on..............
But my eyes still can't sleep; maybe I've vampire blood in my vein! for I feel very sleepy during the day - shove me a piilow and I can steal a 5-min nap but now I'm wide awake. Okay, maybe the early episodes of Dong Yi can help me sleep or if that fails I can always continue my reading of The Lost Symbol

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