Dec 29, 2010

Not like everything I do depends on you....

Just the other day I was reminded of the guy I think I had the longest crush on and tonight I met another guy who was a diversion for the former guy. He had two little girls with him whom I assumed are his daughters. I was like what??? Then I count back the years after uni... yeah it's been like 6-7 years since graduation - even my friend's son is already in kindergarden. Where does the years go?

What I found funny was then back in uni days, we were like ignoring each other when we passed each others by, but when the other was not looking... But tonight, my eyes were focused on the shelf of strawberry - hoping it was imported from Korea, since the one I bought before was so sweet - so I didn't really see him until we were close and our eyes met. I think we both simultaneously smiles at each other whereas before our eyes would sometimes met then we look away. I guess it's just knowing there's 'nothing' in it anymore makes it less awkward and we can smile neutrally at each other.

That was my intention - just polite smiles, since I'm no big in socializing and exchanging small talks but I guess he had other intentions since when I really pass him by, he turn as if wants to say something but I was continuing walking. Sorry! I had no intention to be stubborn or snobbish or anything but I guess I'm thankful that I didn't expect him wants to exchange news and naturally continue walking. Imagine him asking where I work now, and am I married like the normal questions former acquaintances ask each other. Then I have to ask him also some polite questions that I'm not really curious about the answer. I wonder sometimes if I'm self-absorbed, like people who I met for the first time are always curious, asking this and that but I'm not curious about them. Sometimes, I just felt awkward and felt like I had to ask the same thing. Hmmm... I rather think that I'm not a busy-body; respectful of others privacy...cause yeah some of the questions I would like to ask them back; why do you wanna know? what is it to you? errr...can you mind your own business?

I really hate talking to strangers, and its even worse now in adulthood - people expect you to be 'peramah' and not a surly-teenagers-who-wants-to-be-left-alone. Last week I was accompanying my dad for his clinic's appointment and the only seat left was next to an ahjumma (you know the type who expect you to chit-chat with them). I think its rude for people my age to plug my ears with music in that environment, so the next best thing to discourage conversation was to whip out my handphone and play games. She made some comments about it's really takes a long time waiting... I just look up, smiles briefly and get back to my game. She moved to another seat not long afterward I think when another person was called in and vacated a seat.... The next person who sat next to me was lady bout the same age as me and she was also busy fiddling with her no worries there...hehe

Back to him, he wasn't my glass of pepsi so I didn't notice him at first, furthermore I was adamant that I was hanged up on the other guy - but then through the glass wall of the uni's first floor library I could see people going in and out of the library on the ground floor and I saw him bumping into a long-time friend of him I guess; I like the way he respectfully shakes hand. (Yeah! I had a short-crush on this guy because of the way he shakes hand... I found it unbelievably-funny-weird myself) So from then on it I was like having a radar and can spot him when he was near or within visions. But still, I got 'bored' noticing him... and get back to noticing the former guy. Wonder how he looks now after 7 years? Does he gain weight? Is he married and have family already? To my bestfriend Yanti (I'm not sure if this automatically posted on multiply still since I didn't check multiply anymore), yeah...yeah... don't get riled up, my passwords no longer consists of a reminder of his name... but I still use his reg. no :P haha... I forgot what mine and yours were but I still remember his....