Feb 3, 2011

I am an empath...

... and trying to hide it. Usually I will just pretend that I'm sleepy and fake yawning very now and then; for those who know me knows that I also tears up when I repeatedly yawns - over active tear duct I say.

Haha (sarcastic laugh)...and it's just getting worse these day. A sad story and someone crying their hearts' out and my eyes start to tear up! and it's not really that sad actually - like take for example those who walked away from American Idol auditions empty handed, I felt sorry for them and I tried very hard not to put myself on their shoes,;feel their sadness and hopelessness, so that my 'inner contentment' won't be dragged down too by them. If that happens, then I will surely don't feel like doing anything but sleep and stop thinking. So yeah, forgive me if I don't want to watch sad story even it has some morale lesson in it cause once watching Pondok Buruk ruined Hari Raya for me -all I could think of whenever I smile or laugh or eat and drink is that someone somewhere are down in the gutter, starving. So yeah, I tried not to think of sad things like starving people in Africa and the malnourished kids; it does make me felt grateful and blessed, but it also make me felt hopeless, sad, guilty, selfish at the same time.

So how do I cure this? Sorry Raven, for me empathy is not a power but can become a burden... and I hate visiting sick people at the hospital, it makes me feels extra more awkward and uncomfortable. How could my ambition when I was 6-8 years old was to be a doctor or a nurse? I must had not known many other occupations...

I need Korean variety shows to lighten up my mood...but all I had left unwatched is SBS's Family Outing which I watched some episodes is pretty boring :(