Jan 1, 2009

13 things about Twilight!!!!!

Whenever i get internet access, I have a few blogs that I like to frequent once in a while (dramabeans.com - everyday!) for my news dosage of koreandrama, so while i was browsing thru them this tired night, i saw a tag on Twilight on one of the blogs - so what the hell, lets see whats this writer who almost have the same taste in korean dramas as me think about Twilight the series....

Wakaka...his/her writings make me forget about my tiredness, banished my sleepiness... I like it so much that I want to post it here *evil grin*. Couldn't write/express/disseminate the series better... so here are the 13 Reasons Why She/He Don't Like Twilight - courtesy to Sevenses ^_^

1) Define yourself by your boyfriend, Bella, there’s a good way to be a self-actualized woman. “Not a wolf girl” and “I was his” gets tossed around a lot. She also has no personality outside of ‘Edward doesn’t like me, Edward does like me, why does Edward like me, Edward, Edward, Edward.’ Do I need to tell you why this is wrong, or can I just assume all of you know and we can move on to more outrage?

2) Meeting obsessed - most emphatically not meeting cute. HE WATCHES HER SLEEP ALL NIGHT LONG. Guys, do I need to go on? He follows her around, in her house, when she’s cooking, when she’s out for a night with the girls and when she’s sleeping, apparently unaware that there’s freaking stalker right there IN HER ROOM, omg, whut. On the other hand, all she does is think about him and moon and not pay any attention to people around her and omg Edward loves her thus Bella’s life is complete! He talks down to her, like she is a child that constantly needs things explained to her. This is the love of the ages? This is what we’re supposed to aspire to for a perfect marriage?
Let us keep in mind that when they met, Bella was only attracted to the surface hotness of Sir Edward Cullen, Esq. And in return, he was fascinated with how much he didn’t know about her thoughts. And then, two weeks later, they both decide rather like Romeo and Juliet that they’re oh so much in love and need the other like oxygen (err, only metaphorically in Ed’s case). What. The. Hell.
(And, by the way, Romeo and Juliet wouldn’t have lasted.)

3) The only womb is apparently one that reproduces - a viewpoint espoused by Esme, Rosalie, Bella and now Leah … that’s practically a roll call of the female characters. At no point does she present a woman who is self-actualized and happy without feeling the need for a ‘babby‘. Breaking Dawn is all about the baby, and while I think mother love is one of the most powerful forces in the world, if your entire life just revolved around your child… there’s a problem (both for you and the child, actually, and please someone stop me from segueing into child development RIGHT NOW). If you mention Alice, well… the girl’s clairvoyant and pretty much doesn’t think, ever. She just acts on her visions. (Also, if you know your Freud, she’s pretty much in the latent state of things.)

4) When Sparkles breaks up with you, the best, most rational path of action is to go around trying to kill yourself. Seriously. There were four months of catatonia (which thankfully spared us from Bella’s meeblings for a few chapters) and then she decides to take up both cliff-diving and motorcycle-riding to maximize the probability of death. Now, I know she’s not good with math, but hey, why not go with an activity that actually has an 100% chance of killing you? Oh yeah, then we wouldn’t have such cracktastic sequels. All snark aside, though, this is most definitely NOT acceptable behaviour in anyone.

5) Born to be a vampire - just, what? Because humans are obviously not meant to be humans, and live normal lives and die. No, they get to be ever-lasting ice marble vampires (if they are lucky - if not, then they’re just chow). Bella calls her mother her best friend, but we are always seeing/reading her disparaging both Renee and Charlie, as if they’re somehow less intelligent by virtue of Not Being Bella. And you know what? After she becomes vamped, she doesn’t see Renee, ever again. In fact, Bella’s relationship with other humans is so tenuous that after her marriage, pretty much all the humans from before disappeared. (And this girl lived 16 years in Phoenix and didn’t make one best friend? Wow, call me cynical, but someone’s a bit sociopathic.) Conclusion? Bella doesn’t need humans, she’s fine with her superpowered vampirism.

6) Bella wants to have sex with Edward but Edward wants to get married to Bella first but Bella doesn’t want to get married super early but Edward won’t have sex with her without being married and Bella is perfectly okay with dying and spending the rest of her life as a vamp but somehow it is not okay to get married at the tender age of 18. That section of the series was such a cause for headdesking, you have no idea.

7) Marrying at 19, having a kid, pretty much being happy and sexing away forever. No education, no traveling the world, no broadening of your goddamn horizons nor (more seriously in my mind) the desire to. They keep mentioning college but she never goes and I bet you she won’t either, not when she has eternity to somehow gaze with awe upon the perfection that is her vamp family. Someone hand me something to gnaw on now, please.

8 ) Furriners, dey is baaaaaad. Yes, thank you, WASP unconscious. [First of all, as an East Asian, I just have to say here, what happened to 1/6 of the world's population? Somehow they are just not represented?] Second, her non-white characters are severely limited. There’s the Brazilian cleaning lady who is in that classic hispanic stereotype of America - domestic service. Carmen tends to spout random Spanish at random times but has no function otherwise. The Amazon vamps are … warrior-esque, buff, and pretty much bristling with exotic I’m-so-not-American-nor-even-possibly-civilized airs. The Egyptian ones, oh dear. The Italian vamps are Machiavellian, the Romanian ones sinister and decrepit, the English one craven. (And who was it that held out during all the bombing for three years at war with the Nazis? Who was the one that refused to fight until their own harbour got bombed and subsequently took all the credit for being noble? Thank you.)

9) Mary Sues are bad enough within fanfiction, I do not want to see them in print too. Bella can do everything better than you, even while tripping over the air! Bella attracts the hot, mysterious guy! Strike that, Bella has hordes of willing boy victims following her around! But she is not beautiful, no! Bella is a super vampire with super control! BELLA SMASHES THE PREVIOUSLY UNDEFEATED VOLTURI! (Need I go on? Because the list is quite extensive and my fingers are getting tired.)

10) It’s so horrible to be old(er). Okay, this rubbed me in all the wrong ways when I was reading (skimming would be a better word) through the later books, when it’s all, whine I wanna marry Edward whine but he won’t let me whine and now I’m getting old whine. (First of all, SHUT UP.) Seriously, what is wrong with actually seeing the world a bit? She’s not going to be wrinkled and old and stuff if she takes a few years off to see her options instead of immediate vamping. She’ll be more mature, have seen more of the world. But Bella doesn’t want that, no, she wants to settle down immediately. I have to say, if you’re afraid your potential husband will no longer love you after a few years and when you are not so attractive (relatively speaking), you have to look at the strength of the relationship and wonder a little. Living with him for all eternity may not turn out to be such a hot idea.

11) General attractiveness issues. I mean, all the vamps are super attractive, except for the evil ones (James is nondescript and the Volturi are shale-like, old and generally creeeeeeeeepy). Also, point 10 already goes into this, but Bella’s a very superficial girl sometimes. (Okay, all the time.) She cares so much about her outer appearance that she totally wants to be frozen now so she won’t get older (and it is inferred, uglier). Um, yeah.

12) Imprinting. IMPRINTING. Because when a guy stays around you all your life and loves you? You don’t get to refuse him. Yeah. (Both Claire and Nessie are infants when this imprinting thing happens. Other people, like Emily, just deal, I suppose.) No free will whatsoever.

13) Wish fulfillment. I’m okay with wish fulfillment in general (where would we be without Harry Potter?), but I do think this is taking it too far. What does it say about the fanatics that even with all the above indices, they still picture Edward as the ideal and Bella as themselves?


Anonymous said...

Was this supposedly be a rambling rant or just bullet-point notes for your theory on superficial, whiny girls versus independent, still-waiting-on-love-outta-thin-air girls? Hmm, innie minnie mynie mo, which one should you choose or so...
This comment is written based on how ironic are your own obsession korean-related topics towards your indifference with other human-beings obsession. Figure that.

bleuelle said...

yeah figure that *shrugs*